Archive for November, 2007

BRAKING THROUGH GREEN LIGHTS

Posted in Ethnics on November 24, 2007 by hehateme

First of all, let me begin by saying that I hate everyone, especially you and your family. But if there is one demographic of assholes/”people” that make me consider joining Al-Quaeda, it’s all of you fuckers who BRAKE THROUGH GREEN LIGHTS.

You know who you are.

There are 3 types of “people” who brake through green lights:

  1. Beaners
  2. Rednecks aka Motorheads aka White Trash
  3. Women

I could write a goddamn novel about all of the things I hate about Beaners.
And yes, I can call them that because

  • They prefer to be called Beaners
  • I patronize their restaurants

Their curb-feelers, multi-toned paint jobs, glass-packed cherry-bomb mufflers, spinning hubcaps, car-bra’s, and self-applied limo black window tints give them away way before their shitty unlicensed, uninsured, uneducated driving proves that they are the hairy-lipped greaseballs that I know them to be…and thats not even the men of the race.

They, of course, brake through green lights for one reason, and one reason only — they are concerned that La Migra or the Guero Police are going to be posted up on the other side of the intersection, waiting to confiscate all of their crystal meth, drywall tools, and random shiny objects hanging from their rear view mirrors, and ship them back to Chihuahua like the dogs they are.

I saw one pull this dastardly maneuver the other day, unfortunately while I was unarmed. I was behind his lowered F-150 and almost shat myself when i saw the enormous sticker on the back (tinted) window. It was an Iron Cross (see: rednecks), but it had the words Jesus Christo inside the Iron Cross. I’m sure this wetback had no idea that the Iron Cross was awarded to the best Jew-Killers in Adolph’s Army of Swine, and that given the opportunity, Hitler would have made (slightly more tan) Mercedez-Benz seatcovers out of Mexicans too. The Iron-y was hilarious. So, I had to get up next to this peckerhead at the next light to get a look at him. I pull up next to Jose/Juan/etc./whatever and lo and behold, he has the Holy Grail of Beaner-dom sitting on his dashboard. A miniature model of his F-150!! Talk about pride in ownership! Of course, the two lane street merged down to one, leaving me staring once again at his Neo-Nazi Praise to Christ(o), and sure enough, at the next intersection, he rode his brakes through a nice fresh green light.

Guacamole means GO fuckface!

That brings us to the Rednecks et al. Worse than Beaners…thats right I said it.
Rednecks too deserve several volumes of work to describe how lame they are, but time is money and I am writing this shit for free.

Rednecks brake through green lights for exactly two reasons, which are both tied to the same intrinsic item that makes me hate them so much; their lifted pickup trucks.
They brake through green lights because they either think that the hard-working non-trendy drivers waiting at their red lights actually give a shit about their stupid fucking trucks, or they brake because they are trying to make a right turn and the steering radius on their knobby tires makes it so that there is a half-mile traffic jam behind them waiting for them to actually pull off the stunt.

Speaking of knobby, 9 out of 10 scientists agree that the bigger the truck, the smaller the penis. FACT.

(The tenth one drives a Dodge Ram.)

The tattoos, the straight-billed yet crooked-worn hats, the wife-beater tank tops, the indecipherable cookie-cutter metal music blaring out of the windows, the white-rimmed oversized sunglasses, the 8inch terrorist-funding exhaust pipe, the truck-balls on the trailer hitch, and the “cool” window sticker you got at Hot Topic will not change the size of your sausage…sorry jerk-offs. Go back to drinking your cheap beer with your pasty-been-fucked-by-13-black-guys-20lbs overweight-trailertrash hobag and get the fuck off my roads. Continue to park your $40,000 truck in your apartment parking lot and on the jobsite where you make $10/hr framing houses (aka being the go-fer for the actual skilled laborers, see: Beaners) and bitching about the wetbacks (see: Beaners) who are quickly rendering your “services” obsolete.

The best part about these shitbag Rednecks is how loyal they are to President Bush and the War on/of Turrur. These same assholes who get about 7 miles to the gallon are too ignorant to realize that they are personally bankrolling every terrorist attack that goes down. They are quick to slap the Yellow Ribbon Magnet on their bumper, but too vaginal to actually enlist, which would make them quickly realize that Iraq and Halo3 really aren’t one in the same. Luckily, for all of their FOXNEWS-induced rhetoric, they are, every last one of them, too lazy and stupid to vote. If I had a suitcase nuke, it would be delivered and let loose at Glamis on any given 3-day weekend.

And the World’s average IQ would jump 78.3 points in .000783 nanoseconds.

Lastly…women.
All stupid whores, none of whom should ever, under any circumstances, be allowed in a car, let alone behind the wheel. I would gladly fuck the crack between my couch cushions for the rest of my days if I could snap my fingers tomorrow and make every single one of them disappear into thin air.

The silence would be deafening.
The commute would be efficient.
The dishes would be dirty.

There you have it. Fuck off Earthlings.

Advertisements

Happy Monday

Posted in Ethnics on November 16, 2007 by Jesus von Dutch

This is what really bugs me, and it happened twice in one day.  The use of “Happy Monday” has to be stopped.  I was assaulted with this saying not once but twice today and in successive fashion.  The gate guard checked my ID and said “happy Monday”.  Fine, I’ll let that one slide. Then I get on to the the compound and the compound guard says “happy Monday”.  That’s it!  I’m willing to let one person say it, but two!? That means more people openly say this asinine statement and soon it could be a trend, and worse, become a convention.  Birthday, Anniversary, Holidays, Easter, New Years, Joy Joy, All of these are perfectly acceptable to attach to “happy”.  They are fun and celebratory occasions. MONDAY?!  If any day deserves a “Happy” affixed to it, it’s Friday, for obvious reasons.  If people so rampantly use Happy with everything then Happy loses its capital.  “Hey, I know it’s Monday, I don’t need to be reminded of this. 24 hours ago I was engaged in some general tomfoolery, but now I’m stuck here to scratch a simple living in the hopes that when the sweet release of death comes I can look back and say ‘ehh, it was a decent run’. Now, I don’t need you to try to cheer up the start of this week by saying happy anything, because you can happy go fuck yourself. Don’t backhandedly try to screw with my mental well being. Happy? Happy finger in your eye!” That should have been my reply to both of them.  But I just said….”Ohh, you too.”

LaMont’s thought of the day 11/06/07

Posted in Ethnics on November 6, 2007 by lamontchoadowski

If a co-worker is bothering you to the point that you passionately hate him; piss him off enough that he punches you in the face.  Especially if he is under 160 lbs.   You will not be injured and he will be carried off by security.  Most likely you will never see him again and that will be the greatest gift of all.

Lamont’s thought of the day 11/5/07

Posted in Ethnics on November 5, 2007 by lamontchoadowski

If you are in downtown DC and someone asks you for your jacket, you might want to consider giving it to them.  Especially if that person is smoking a black and mild, clove or marijuana cigarette.  Being cold is temporary, getting shot in the face isn’t.