BRAKING THROUGH GREEN LIGHTS

First of all, let me begin by saying that I hate everyone, especially you and your family. But if there is one demographic of assholes/”people” that make me consider joining Al-Quaeda, it’s all of you fuckers who BRAKE THROUGH GREEN LIGHTS.

You know who you are.

There are 3 types of “people” who brake through green lights:

  1. Beaners
  2. Rednecks aka Motorheads aka White Trash
  3. Women

I could write a goddamn novel about all of the things I hate about Beaners.
And yes, I can call them that because

  • They prefer to be called Beaners
  • I patronize their restaurants

Their curb-feelers, multi-toned paint jobs, glass-packed cherry-bomb mufflers, spinning hubcaps, car-bra’s, and self-applied limo black window tints give them away way before their shitty unlicensed, uninsured, uneducated driving proves that they are the hairy-lipped greaseballs that I know them to be…and thats not even the men of the race.

They, of course, brake through green lights for one reason, and one reason only — they are concerned that La Migra or the Guero Police are going to be posted up on the other side of the intersection, waiting to confiscate all of their crystal meth, drywall tools, and random shiny objects hanging from their rear view mirrors, and ship them back to Chihuahua like the dogs they are.

I saw one pull this dastardly maneuver the other day, unfortunately while I was unarmed. I was behind his lowered F-150 and almost shat myself when i saw the enormous sticker on the back (tinted) window. It was an Iron Cross (see: rednecks), but it had the words Jesus Christo inside the Iron Cross. I’m sure this wetback had no idea that the Iron Cross was awarded to the best Jew-Killers in Adolph’s Army of Swine, and that given the opportunity, Hitler would have made (slightly more tan) Mercedez-Benz seatcovers out of Mexicans too. The Iron-y was hilarious. So, I had to get up next to this peckerhead at the next light to get a look at him. I pull up next to Jose/Juan/etc./whatever and lo and behold, he has the Holy Grail of Beaner-dom sitting on his dashboard. A miniature model of his F-150!! Talk about pride in ownership! Of course, the two lane street merged down to one, leaving me staring once again at his Neo-Nazi Praise to Christ(o), and sure enough, at the next intersection, he rode his brakes through a nice fresh green light.

Guacamole means GO fuckface!

That brings us to the Rednecks et al. Worse than Beaners…thats right I said it.
Rednecks too deserve several volumes of work to describe how lame they are, but time is money and I am writing this shit for free.

Rednecks brake through green lights for exactly two reasons, which are both tied to the same intrinsic item that makes me hate them so much; their lifted pickup trucks.
They brake through green lights because they either think that the hard-working non-trendy drivers waiting at their red lights actually give a shit about their stupid fucking trucks, or they brake because they are trying to make a right turn and the steering radius on their knobby tires makes it so that there is a half-mile traffic jam behind them waiting for them to actually pull off the stunt.

Speaking of knobby, 9 out of 10 scientists agree that the bigger the truck, the smaller the penis. FACT.

(The tenth one drives a Dodge Ram.)

The tattoos, the straight-billed yet crooked-worn hats, the wife-beater tank tops, the indecipherable cookie-cutter metal music blaring out of the windows, the white-rimmed oversized sunglasses, the 8inch terrorist-funding exhaust pipe, the truck-balls on the trailer hitch, and the “cool” window sticker you got at Hot Topic will not change the size of your sausage…sorry jerk-offs. Go back to drinking your cheap beer with your pasty-been-fucked-by-13-black-guys-20lbs overweight-trailertrash hobag and get the fuck off my roads. Continue to park your $40,000 truck in your apartment parking lot and on the jobsite where you make $10/hr framing houses (aka being the go-fer for the actual skilled laborers, see: Beaners) and bitching about the wetbacks (see: Beaners) who are quickly rendering your “services” obsolete.

The best part about these shitbag Rednecks is how loyal they are to President Bush and the War on/of Turrur. These same assholes who get about 7 miles to the gallon are too ignorant to realize that they are personally bankrolling every terrorist attack that goes down. They are quick to slap the Yellow Ribbon Magnet on their bumper, but too vaginal to actually enlist, which would make them quickly realize that Iraq and Halo3 really aren’t one in the same. Luckily, for all of their FOXNEWS-induced rhetoric, they are, every last one of them, too lazy and stupid to vote. If I had a suitcase nuke, it would be delivered and let loose at Glamis on any given 3-day weekend.

And the World’s average IQ would jump 78.3 points in .000783 nanoseconds.

Lastly…women.
All stupid whores, none of whom should ever, under any circumstances, be allowed in a car, let alone behind the wheel. I would gladly fuck the crack between my couch cushions for the rest of my days if I could snap my fingers tomorrow and make every single one of them disappear into thin air.

The silence would be deafening.
The commute would be efficient.
The dishes would be dirty.

There you have it. Fuck off Earthlings.

Advertisements

2 Responses to “BRAKING THROUGH GREEN LIGHTS”

  1. That’s great! To the point. I recently witnessed James’ countenance change
    as he read from beaner drivers, to tatted up whitey with straight hat brims who bump heavy metal. Haha. It was epic. I’m emailing Roman and JC and then my mom and then your mom.

  2. momma jokes offend me!
    sdfj;asdfjasdl;fja

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: